Blogging & Me

quince-blossom

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't blogged yet this year.  That is because I have been putting off writing this post, and it is with a heavy heart that I do so now.

When I started writing here, just over 18 months ago, I had no idea how things would work out, whether anyone would actually read my ramblings, and if they did whether they would like what I had to say.  But for reasons of which I am unsure, people do read it, many more people than I could have anticipated.  Which is utterly amazing, and I feel truly honoured to be a regular read for so many.  But because of that, and also because of the type of person I am, I started to put myself under a lot of pressure to post regularly and to post content that I was happy with, not just half hearted paragraphs and borrowed images.

Now here is the part that is difficult to write;  I am purposely going to keep this brief, and not go into detail, because I have made a conscious decision that I don't want this blog to be about illness, it is about the positive things in my life and not the negative.   At the same time as I started to write this blog, I began to develop some health problems. The first issue came on very quickly, a chronic condition that I had been diagnosed with in my 20s suddenly reared it's ugly head, after ten years of remission.  I was devastated.  It is a condition that is often linked to other chronic illnesses, and the first time round, I was lucky enough to just  have one.  This time though, that has not been the case, and as much as I don't want any of them to impact on my life, I have to accept that things can't carry on the way they have been.  Something has to give, and that has to be this blog.

I need to use all of that time I spend blogging to focus on myself, I have beat this thing once, and I can damn well do it again.   But is is time consuming, I am doing yoga and pilates daily, meditating too, eating an alkaline diet, being as healthy as I can, and more importantly than anything else, trying to avoid stress.

Originally I decided that I would stop blogging all together for a while, but I've changed my mind, I don't want to say la vie.  So instead, I might pop back from time to time, under more relaxed terms.  If I have something to blog about and some spare time to do it, rather than sitting at the computer until ten o'clock at night.

There is a tiny bit of hope, I have had more tests over the past couple of years than most people have in an entire life time, trying to establish what an earth is going on with my body.  Up until December, they had all come back negative.  But today I am off to see a specialist with some blood test results that have shown something, and they may just shed a little bit of light on what is causing all of this stuff.  I am terrified, and I don't want to get my hopes up to have them dashed again.  So, think of me, and pray that I come away with some answers and the hope of a solution to some, if not all of this horribleness I have been going through.

Emma x