Hello again, it's been a while. So long in fact, that I'm not sure anyone will even read this, but for those of you that might, I wanted to explain my absence. As you may know, I have been struggling with health problems for a few years, since just after the birth of my youngest daughter really, so nearly four years now. It isn't something I talk about much here because that's not what this blog is about, however, I do mention it from time to time because unfortunately, it is part of my life. I also feel that it is only fair to be honest, after all, real life isn't all sunshine and roses.
I have seen quite a few doctors and had a great deal of tests, without any answers. And despite, trying various diets and supplements under nutritionists, things proceeded to get worse last year. I was referred to a rheumatologist by my GP in April and finally saw him in December. He diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, in his words, he could tell me what I didn't have but not what I did. During his examination, he said things like "are you sure it doesn't hurt here", er yes, I'm sure! I knew that I didn't really fit in to the fibromyalgia box but he desperately tried to squeeze me in to it.
I returned to my GP, and told her that I would accept the diagnosis but I wanted to see a neurologist first, as so many of my symptoms are neurological (tingling, numbness, muscle twitches), that I needed to have anything more sinister ruled out. She agreed thankfully.
So in January, I saw the neurologist, he gave me the first glimmer of hope that I might get some answers, said he thought I was "auto-immuney" given my history and ordered multiple blood tests, an MRI and nerve testing (fortunately private health cover meant I could get this all done).
And that is the reason I haven't been blogging, my life has effectively been on hold whilst I waited for the results. I know that putting your life on hold isn't necessarily the right thing to do, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk about anything seemingly mundane here whilst all the time in the back of my head I was wondering whether I might have multiple sclerosis or some other incurable neurological condition.
Anyway, on Friday last week, I got my results. It should have been good news, and it was in a way, all my test results had been negative, except some minor damage to a couple of nerves in my arms (a bit like carpal tunnel but in the elbow). But I still cried a great deal as soon as I walked out the hospital, because I still don't have any answers. I thought that knowing what it wasn't this time, would be enough, but it isn't, I'm still scared. Scared every time I get a new symptom, scared the doctors have missed something sinister, because I know it isn't right, a person shouldn't feel the way I do.
However, life has now resumed, because I can't just keep waiting until I carry on living again. So I'm back here blogging, and I'm back looking for answers. I haven't lost faith that one day I will feel ok again. But in the meantime, life goes on and I'm going to do my best to appreciate all the simple quiet pleasures again.
See you again soon.