Hello Again

Hello again, it's been a while.  So long in fact, that I'm not sure anyone will even read this, but for those of you that might, I wanted to explain my absence. As you may know, I have been struggling with health problems for a few years, since just after the birth of my youngest daughter really, so nearly four years now.  It isn't something I talk about much here because that's not what this blog is about, however, I do mention it from time to time because unfortunately, it is part of my life.  I also feel that it is only fair to be honest, after all, real life isn't all sunshine and roses.

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I have seen quite a few doctors and had a great deal of tests, without any answers.  And despite, trying various diets and supplements under nutritionists, things proceeded to get worse last year.  I was referred to a rheumatologist by my GP in April and finally saw him in December.  He diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, in his words, he could tell me what I didn't have but not what I did.  During his examination, he said things like "are you sure it doesn't hurt here", er yes, I'm sure!  I knew that I didn't really fit in to the fibromyalgia box but he desperately tried to squeeze me in to it.

I returned to my GP, and told her that I would accept the diagnosis but I wanted to see a neurologist first, as so many of my symptoms are neurological (tingling, numbness, muscle twitches), that I needed to have anything more sinister ruled out.  She agreed thankfully.

So in January, I saw the neurologist, he gave me the first glimmer of hope that I might get some answers, said he thought I was "auto-immuney" given my history and ordered multiple blood tests, an MRI and nerve testing (fortunately private health cover meant I could get this all done).

And that is the reason I haven't been blogging, my life has effectively been on hold whilst I waited for the results.  I know that putting your life on hold isn't necessarily the right thing to do, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk about anything seemingly mundane here whilst all the time in the back of my head I was wondering whether I might have multiple sclerosis or some other incurable neurological condition.

Anyway, on Friday last week, I got my results.  It should have been good news, and it was in a way, all my test results had been negative, except some minor damage to a couple of nerves in my arms (a bit like carpal tunnel but in the elbow).  But I still cried a great deal as soon as I walked out the hospital, because I still don't have any answers.  I thought that knowing what it wasn't this time, would be enough, but it isn't, I'm still scared.  Scared every time I get a new symptom, scared the doctors have missed something sinister, because I know it isn't right, a person shouldn't feel the way I do.

However, life has now resumed, because I can't just keep waiting until I carry on living again.  So I'm back here blogging, and I'm back looking for answers.  I haven't lost faith that one day I will feel ok again.  But in the meantime, life goes on and I'm going to do my best to appreciate all the simple quiet pleasures again.

See you again soon.

Emma x