A few words about self-doubt
I am not going to lie, I have been feeling a bit rubbish this weekend, smothered by a big ball of self-doubt. Since I mentioned this on Instagram stories, and so many people got in touch with similar feelings, I thought it was worth sharing that my perspective has thankfully shifted.
I think the reason I have been feeling like this, is probably multi-factored, firstly, I don't sleep much at all, 3 years worth of chronic insomnia, is enough to send anyone down the long road of self-pity. Secondly, I have started worrying about my age, at the grand old age of 44, the panic of blog/social media longevity has set in. Everyone else suddenly seems so young! And thirdly, probably the most damaging, I have started comparing myself unfavourably with others.
But interestingly, this self-doubt didn't really rear it's ugly head until after I attended an amazing Creative Support Group hosted by my friend Melanie from Geoffrey and Grace. It really was helpful discussing future plans with fellow creatives, and I came away ready to put all the ideas that had been floating around in my head in to action, but the next day I just crashed.
I spent most of that day looking at what other's were up to, it isn't something I have done much of in the past. To be honest I have always more or less tootled along in my own little bubble, not worrying about what anyone else is doing. And starting to do it, just wasn't helpful, there is nothing like comparison to knock all your confidence.
But I guess, the most important part of this, is what am I going to do to get out of this slump? I have decided to use this envy I have been feeling (we can dress it up, but that is essentially what it is), as inspiration. I don't know if it is the appearance of Spring, but something has changed, I have gone from feeling flat to feeling motivated. I had the sudden realisation that I need to focus on what I am good at, and not worry about anyone else. Self-doubt will always occupy a little piece of me, but for now, I have beaten it back down.
Did you ever hear that song when you were little "Anything you can do, I can do better". Well, I think we all know that isn't quite true, we can't all do the same things, but we do all have our strengths, I need to remember that and work to them. It doesn't matter what other people are doing, what matters is I am doing what I want to do, and having fun whilst doing it.
So, whilst we are on the subject, I want to give the blog an overhaul. I have some ideas, but I wanted to know what you think? Are there any regular columns I used to post that you would like to see back, anything new you would like me to share, any tips? If there is anything, then do let me know,
Incidentally, after writing this post, I listened to this podcast from the incredibly insightful and wise Sas Petherick. I highly recommend listening if you can, Sas describes exactly how I was feeling, and the reasons for it, but most importantly gives tips on how to get out the downward spiral. Thank you Sas!